


until you can look at the mirror, cry into my arms

by GayCheerios



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Crying, Dysphoria, Fluffy, M/M, trans shuichi saihara, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:09:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21739645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayCheerios/pseuds/GayCheerios
Summary: shuichi can’t take the dysphoria on top of all his stress, and he breaks down.or: a vent fic
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 20
Kudos: 195





	until you can look at the mirror, cry into my arms

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this because i just couldnt stop crying. writing about what happens to me with my fav characters and a haply ending makes this shitty experience a little less bad 
> 
> so please enjoy!!!!!!!!

shuichi lays there, curled up in a ball wanting to die. so much stress coming from everywhere. schoolwork. detective work, putting up with everything. on top of all of that people still use that  _ vile  _ name. his uncle, who he’s tried to come out to before, refuses, and simply refers to shuichi as his niece still. 

he tries to look more masculine. dark clothes, short hair. but his female body gives it all away. destroys what little masculinity he chases and smashes it to dust. no matter what he does he can’t be seen as a boy, save for a few of his classmates. at school he’s still  _ that name _ . the teachers call him  _ that name. that stupid name that he’d like to smelt into nothing.  _

he curses the world for being born different. it hurt. it hurts so badly that he can’t be seen as who he wants to be. no matter how hard he tries he just  _ can’t  _ be seen as shuichi saihara. his chest is still poking outwards and he hates how horrible it is. showers are nightmares, changing is a nightmare. everything is one big nightmare he  _ can’t  _ escape.

soft sobs fill his room, as his hat covers his face from the darkness of his own room. he feels pathetic. stupid. horrible. his stomach twists and turns, and he feels sick. he sobs harder at the realization that he is broken. a bunch of tiny crackley little pieces scattered, and stepped on, and turned to nothing eventually.

“shuichi?” 

shuichi glances up to see ouma kokichi. he looks worried, very, very worried. 

shuichi wipes away his tears and stands up. “h-hi kokichi, what’s up?” he can’t help the few stray tears rolling down his face. kokichi’s pale and warm hands wipe them away, as he cups his hand around shuichi’s face. more tears fall. he collapses onto kokichi with a sob. 

“i-it hurts s-so much kokichi.” he hiccups. he finally broke. he finally broke down. all the everything he’s been holding inside him has crawled it’s way out of shuichi in the form of tears. “it hu-hurts kokichi. i hate this. i hate it. no one s-sees me as who i want to be and i can’t take hearing that name o-one last time. kokichi, i-it hurts.” he sobs, hiccuping as kokichi just hugs him back.

“i know shuichi, i know it hurts baby boy. it’s ok. just let it all out. you’ve been holding it in for too long.” he cooes. kokichi hushes him, and says only sweet nothings. 

“why. why do i have to be like this? why does it hurt so badly? i don’t wanna hurt anymore k-kokichi. i don’t want to.” shuichi continues to cry into kokichi. 

“i can’t answer that for you shuichi, i’m sorry. but i can be here for you. i’ll help the hurt go away, i don’t care what the hell you look like. you’re a boy. it doesn’t matter that your chest isn’t perfectly flat yet. none of that matters. the people who care about you know that you’re a boy. kaede cares, maki cares, kaito cares, rantaro, himiko, korekiyo, all of them care shu. especially me.” kokichi presses a kiss to shuichi’s cheek, where more tears still fall. 

shuichi can’t smile at that, but it’s nice to know. he keeps crying into kokichi. until he’s ready to face a mirror again.

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact! i have a hat that looks EXACTLY like shuichi’s!! i bought it before i knew who he was so it was fate


End file.
